If grief is the new normal, how can workplaces respond?

‘New normal’, ‘unprecedented’ and ‘challenging times’: each of these phrases has been  referenced extensively to capture this year. 2020 has been a challenge for us all. We are all experiencing grief: the loss of routine, or interactions with loved ones, of the comforts and self-care routines we have been accustomed to, and the uncertainty about when you may be able to see loved ones again, if at all. Then comes the grief of losing a loved one: be it a friend, colleague or family member. 

I’ve known grief before. In recent years it seems that the only time I travel back home to Australia from the UK is because someone has died. Two months ago it was my father. I boarded a flight after a cancellation to Australia, travelled through hotel quarantine in South Australia to Tasmania where I believe (and I hope) that I had a few minutes with my father before he passed. I’ll never know for sure of course, but during this time I choose to believe he could hear me. 

I’m learning that grief manifests in different ways, each time you grieve. While I wanted to prepare myself, and had started to grieve for the loss of my father, there was still nothing that could prepare me for the unbearable absence that losing a parent comes with. I stayed up multiple nights googling ‘how to grieve’ like there was some ‘right’ way of doing it, and hoping for some insightful suggestion that would help me feel less numb. But there is no checklist for grief: it’s a wave that comes and goes, and will likely linger in the background. 

Now I’ve been described by friends and family before a ‘workaholic’, and I have a tendency to prioritise my work because I enjoy it, I’m passionate about it, but often that means my wellbeing coming in second. 

I had a gut feeling that returning to the UK from family, into a country with increasing Covid-19 rates and what has been described as a ‘difficult’ and ‘hard winter’. I took the decision to prioritise my immediate well-being, knowing that if I didn’t take this time and allow myself to grieve with my support system in place, I would likely burnout, as I also have a tendency to do. 

While this may be the emotion and experience we often choose to avoid and ignore, in order to re-think wellbeing, support and self-care, we must acknowledge that it is our current reality. This is an opportunity to think about how mental health, grief and wellbeing can align with business needs and long-term sustainability. Businesses may need to make tough decisions in the short-term, however there is a risk of being short-sighted with Covid continuity plans. 

I don’t profess to have the answers, but I do think that we need to consider the impact on both short and long term implications for the sustainability of mental health, wellbeing and our working lives. How can we reconcile the need to be flexible and productive? And when we talk about priorities of the organisation, how do we ensure that those of inclusion and wellbeing are not dropped when accounting for financial stability? 

As for me, this is not intended to be advice, everyone has their own journey with grief and their own wellbeing. However, to those who have lost loved ones this year, who are separated from their loved ones, and who are stretching themselves to maintain a job - I hope it is of some comfort that you know you aren’t alone. 

Maya Angelou said her mission was not to survive, but to thrive and I’m learning that this needs to remain true during such a time. If this is our new way of living and working, how can we provide the conditions for a healthy and productive workforce? I understand that with such uncertainty surrounding health, economies, safety and justice, and politics it will be more challenging to find ways to thrive. But where we can, we should.